Divorce is a highly significant life event. When resolved in a bare adversarial process, it can threaten a person’s identity, status, and overall well-being. Litigating a divorce can be devastating. Court battles often generate excessive emotional turmoil and ongoing stress, leave unresolved feelings, and hazard excessive legal fees. If one takes a long view, it is clear that often no one benefits. Clear messages are less often sent, and what is received can feel threatening. Reaching meetings of the mind is devalued, and many possible constructive outcomes never see the light of day. Spouses are slotted as adversaries proceeding as plaintiffs and defendants. Children can become issues to be resolved, often in win/lose scenarios. What can result is a “trial by fire,” that is often unduly primitive, random and destructive.
Divorce mediation utilizing a skilled, specialized, mediation professional is a more modern, organic, and natural means of resolving disputes as couples divorce. It is also a more healthy and cost-efficient process for spouses to utilize seeking to separate or divorce. Spouses who select mediation as a process for their divorce rather than traditional litigation, avoid the stress of going to court. The popularity of CT Divorce Mediation, a highly effective provider of mediation services, with four Connecticut offices, is testimony to the advantages that this avenue offers. A neutral, third-party mediator guides the couples during settlement negotiations. The typical issues addressed in mediation include asset and debt division, child or spousal support, and child custody and parenting issues. Couples have three to eight joint meetings with their divorce mediator before constructing an entire agreement. A divorce mediator, an attorney, can summarize and draft this agreement or memorandum of understanding and prepare the pertinent forms needed to file documents with the Court. The couple can also seek outside legal advice at any time. Some couples come to the mediation process after starting litigation, and the Divorce is finalized without the parties ever setting foot in a courtroom.
When comparing divorce litigation vs. divorce mediation, the following are a few key points to consider.
Retaining Control
When spouses hire separate lawyers, they often are advised to stop all direct communications with one another about the Divorce. This in turn can impede open communication. Such interaction, if skillfully guided by a mediator, often prevents harmful misunderstandings, mistrust, and fear of losing control from creeping into the decision-making process.
In mediation, spouses are empowered to work out, through curated discussions, solutions that they value and can support. Communication is carefully managed and guided by a skillful mediator. Clear agendas are maintained, and spouses control the timelines, the outcome, and the final agreements. There are no mandatory court dates, hearings, or meetings. It’s a private and confidential process, with closed-door negotiations and comprehensive agreements constructed by the couple for their future.
Children’s Well-being
Child psychologists agree that high conflict during divorce can cause severe psychological reactions in children. Parents are wise to consider that they will both need to be able to co-operate to able to co-parent after Divorce, and that their primary focus should always be the well-being of their children.
Litigation, unfortunately, often exacerbates animosity between parents. The breakdown in communication during litigation can lead to child custody battles that can tear families apart. Co-parenting can become an unbearable struggle, with children bearing the brunt of the situation.
Mediation, on the other hand, offers a constructive approach. It allows parents to agree upon a comprehensive parenting schedule, decision-making issues, and financial obligations that meet their needs and, most importantly, are in the best interests of their children. This paves the way for a respectful and healthy co-parenting relationship after Divorce.
Private and Confidential
It’s important to note that litigation in Court is a public process. This means that court filings, financial information, and court communications may become public records. However, in Connecticut, the financial affidavits are sealed and are not part of the public record. This distinction is essential to understand. Any testimony given in open Court is a public record.
On the other hand, what happens in mediation stays in mediation. Private and confidential, closed-door negotiations. This includes all communications and documents exchanged during the mediation process.
Control the Timelines, Control the Cost
Divorce Mediation is generally 90% less expensive than traditional divorce litigation, providing a significant financial advantage. Some mediators do not require any up-front retainers, and some offer bill-by-the-hour, pay-as-you-go approaches that afford the advantage of allowing the parties to better predict costs the divorce process being utilized. The total cost of mediation depends on the overall level of conflict, financial complexity, and session preparedness. The Mediation process is typically 2-4 months. Couple sometimes use financial advisors, business valuators, accountants, and retirement experts to help make informed decisions and protect their financial health.
In contrast, in a traditional divorce litigation scenario, a substantial retainer is required to begin work, ranging from $5,000 – $15,000. This upfront retainer amount ensures that the attorneys are compensated for their time and effort. This initial retainer is typically used, and a second and third retainer is often needed to conclude the matter. Unfortunately, hourly billing in litigation can lead to unpredictable and potentially high fees, especially where conflict discourages cooperation even in areas that might otherwise benefit those involved. It is not uncommon for a divorce litigation case to extend beyond a year, and in some cases, even longer.
Overall, Peace of Mind, Well-being and Health
Divorce is a challenging experience, but it doesn’t have to take a toll on your well-being or that of your children. Choose mediation for a healthier and more peaceful divorce that reduces stress and safeguards the emotional and physical health of all concerned. Give your family the chance for a better future.
Angela I. Salvari Green is a divorce and family mediator, Connecticut attorney, and Founder of CT Mediation Center with offices throughout the state of Connecticut. CT Mediation Center was started in 2005 when mediation was not yet well established. CT Mediation Center offers a free consultation for spouses who want to learn more about our divorce and family mediation services. To learn more, or schedule your free consultation, visit www.ctmediationcenter.com or contact the Center at (860) 986-1141. Atty. Green can be reached at info@ctmediationcenter.com.