Love is in the air. Except maybe for you. If you are going through a divorce—whether it be traditional, mediated or collaborative—it might feel like no one will ever love you again. Valentine’s Day, with its syrupy sweet message of “Happily Ever After”, can be a hard day to tackle solo. Keep in mind, it’s just one day, one evening, and one more step into your new life after your divorce is finalized.
Back in 2013, some 6 million couples were expected to get engaged. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce; second marriages fare far worse.
That’s a heartbreaking statistic and one reason why so many people wind up feeling unloved and unworthy. Divorce can be the downside of every Valentine’s Day—it’s probably why people eat more chocolate on this day than any other.
The reality is this: If your marriage is falling apart, one of the most loving ways you can treat yourself is to end it gracefully.
While being separated or getting divorced is never easy, we at CT Mediation Center want to remind you that love begins with you. How you love yourself, your children, your close family, is limitless.
Let’s move past the stereotyping of what love looks like and get on with the reality of what love lS. Here are some of our ideas for showing you the love on Valentine’s Day.
Blame it on the weather. During our long, dark Connecticut winters, contemplating divorce or separation is about as much fun as shoveling the sidewalk. It’s one reason why this cozy winter holiday can be particularly grating.
Go easy on yourself. Your emotions may feel overwhelming, especially if you see one more couple kissing on TV. It is normal to have major bouts of sadness and anger. It is equally important to remember that you are a person deserving of a healthy, nurturing relationship, one that begins with you.
Get lost. If you can afford it, make plans to getaway. Take a long drive. Go to a gallery, or visit an antique store in some small forgotten town.
Unplug. If you’re trying to kick the Valentine’s Day blues, social media is NOT your friend. Dump the newsfeed that tells you it takes two to tango. That’s a million-dollar marketing message. It’s not reality.
Here is our best tip for surviving Valentine’s Day (and everyone that follows!)
Please yourself. It’s easy to suggest a day at the spa, a girl’s night out, an afternoon spent at the zoo with your children. We could recommend keeping a gratitude journal, confiding in a close friend or seeking therapy if the depression lingers. Those are all good ways to practice self-care.
But there is another way: Ask yourself, in any given moment, what will make me feel better right now? Decide. Then go do it. Why is this important? Because it teaches you how to connect with your inner desire and then gives you the permission, the freedom, to take action.
It’s true: A broken marriage wears you down. There comes a point when you lose track of yourself in order to preserve the twosome. You start asking for permission and stop asking for what you need. Your needs matter. When those go unmet, it becomes the ultimate reason why marriages fail and a divorce or separation takes place.
The urge to please others before you take care of yourself is an easy pattern to start. It’s also one that is equally hard to break. It can haunt your future relationships, too. That’s why it’s so important, on Valentine’s Day and every other day that follows, to do what makes you feel strong, confident, and at peace.
Love, you. You loved yourself enough to end a bad marriage, now love yourself enough to truly marry your better half! Guess what! That’s you. You’re not perfect. You don’t have to be. You just have to love, respect, and admire who you are, the person you set out to be. It’s a funny little secret, but you can’t happily marry someone else until you are happily wedded to yourself.
If you have questions about how to end your marriage with grace and dignity, CT Mediation Center can help. We are based in Connecticut and our legal team specializes in a unique approach called a collaborative divorce or divorce mediation.
Please contact us to schedule an appointment today.
To learn more about how divorce mediation can help your case, contact any of our Divorce Attorney Mediators or Certified Divorce Financial Analysts at CT Divorce Mediation Centers. Divorce and Family Mediation and Collaborative Law are all we do. We have offices in Madison, New Haven, Cheshire, West Hartford, Glastonbury, West Hartford, and Windsor, CT. To find out more information or to schedule a consultation with our divorce experts, call us at (860) 986-1141.
DISCLAIMER:This publication is not meant to constitute legal, accounting, financial, investment advisory, or other professional advice. If legal, financial, investment advisory or other professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person such as CT Divorce Mediation center, should be sought.