Divorce Mediation

 As Family and Divorce Attorneys, we recognized very early in our career that litigation had very damaging effects on all involved. In Matrimonial cases, once you bring a suit for divorce to the Courts, the issues and resolutions are out of your hands. You lose control of the process and you lose your privacy. In cases involving children, the impact of continued adversarial approach and litigation on the children can be damaging and overwhelming.

Divorce is not a battle and does not have to be a Court Ordered Peace Agreement either. After all, you may "win" some battles and lose the war entirely. It is helpful to view divorce as a "marital status" transition period. As you recall, you planned your wedding day and  transitioned into couple-hood using adequate planning, controlled temperament, integrity, negotiation, financial control, to do lists and compromises. Similar to the wedding process, your divorce can be a process centered on fair negotiation with the goal of finding a balanced, fair, equitable and gracious middle ground. Divorce mediation and mediation in general is a process which will save wear and tear on you, your emotions, your family and your bottom line.

What is Mediation?

Divorce Mediation is YOUR process of negotiating a fair agreement in light of all your circumstances. Decisions are yours and mediation is the only forum in which you have complete control over the decision making process. Once you negotiate a Separation Agreement, the Court makes this a COURT ORDER which is enforceable. Remember, hearings and a trial are very expensive, stressful, take time and  their outcomes are terribly uncertain. Mediation is within your control, faster, cost effective and ultimately, privacy is maintained.

You may have heard or read about what a mediator does (or does not do): must always remain neutral, can't give independent legal advice and does not "represent" me or my interests... Can't issue orders, can't make decisions, not a judge or arbitrator, blah, blah, blah... Did I say must always remain neutral? So, what is mediation anyway and why is there such a trend towards mediation? Lawyers and judges now recommend it to parties in conflict. In Connecticut, mediation is actually required  in Family Courts prior to trial. A short and sweet version of Mediation, the Special Masters Pretrial is actually a mini mediation session on financial disputes, designed to help divorcing couples avoid the conundrum of trial.

Mediation is a process in which an impartial third party, the Mediator, facilitates communication, negotiation and controls this process by promoting voluntary decision making by the parties. This process provides opportunity for you to define and clarify issues, to understand all perspectives. The mediation process also enables you to understand respective positions, identify interests, including shared interests, brainstorm possible solutions. In mediation, parties work together as a team (you, your spouse, mediator, financial neutral, appraisers, other experts as needed) and reach a mutually satisfactory agreement.

What is the Mediation Process?

The steps in a typical mediation consist of a series of meetings (2-3 hours each meeting).

Step one:

At the first meeting, we describe the process of mediation, the Dos, the Don’ts and Must Not’s. We draft all the necessary paperwork with the Court and ensure proper service by the State Marshal. We help you identify the issues, some of which may not be obvious. Together we set the course to resolve all of them. We will also guide you to understanding your own needs and the needs of your spouse and the children, in a safe, non-confrontational environment. Remember, a mediator controls the process, you control the decisions making.

Step two, three, four...

We will help you pinpoint and gather all necessary financial information necessary before you can make decisions, such as bank or brokerage statements, appraisals, retirement accounts, etc. As needed, we will suggest consultation with other professionals, such as a financial neutral, appraisers, child psychology experts, and other attorneys.

The last few steps:

Once all issues are resolved, your legal agreement is drafted. You bring this document to the Court and your Separation Agreement is officially made an enforceable Court Order.